i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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