And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize