Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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