We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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