What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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