dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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