dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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