I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we're making bets on your personal life
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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