I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
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Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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