She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
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It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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