I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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