It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize