SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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