OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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