His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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