1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I have post one night stand depression
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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