Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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