Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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