so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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