There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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