i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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