If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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