I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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