ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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