the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
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I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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