He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
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What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
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stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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