Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
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Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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