You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
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Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
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Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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