he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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