Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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