What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize