in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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