toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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