he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
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That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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