i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize