Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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