now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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