I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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