Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
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Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
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I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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