your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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