Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
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My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
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YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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