do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
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He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
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Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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