What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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