We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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