My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize