i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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