She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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