I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
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He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
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Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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