I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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