i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize